I saw one of Emory’s maternal fetal specialists on Friday. It was quite a different appointment from my appointment with Emory’s OBGYN. This doctor was very, very cautious. The preparer in me appreciates that but the “I’m going to have a baby in 2 weeks and don’t need lots of extra stress” me does not. This doctor was not giving any room for this to NOT be partial molar pregnancy. I agree. It was at the beginning but it was healed! Nothing lines up with a partial molar pregnancy anymore except the way the mass looks on the ultrasound. As Mike and I talked for almost 30-40 minutes with this specialist doctor, we were not convincing her otherwise that this was not a partial molar anymore. I got very emotional when she ordered a lung scan stating, “let’s make sure this hasn’t spread to your lungs.” She left the room to try to get in touch with her gyn oncologist. I was fine having a lung scan 5 months ago, 4 months ago even 2 months ago. But 2 weeks away from my scheduled c-section was so unnerving. She left the room, and I tearfully told Mike, “Mike, I cannot handle the stress of waiting for a lung scan. I know it will come back all clear but my mom died of lung cancer at 35. We are 2 weeks away. 2 weeks! Can’t I just have the baby and then deal with this?”
I explained this in a less emotional manner to the specialist when she came back in the room that I’d prefer to wait to have a lung scan till after I had the baby since we were so close, and we had already waited so long. Plus no other dr. I’ve seen through the course of my care found it necessary. She said she’d consult the oncologist. Thankfully, he just ordered more blood work at this appointment. But who knows what will happen next week? I’m supposed to meet with all the doctors next week-the surgeon, the oncologist, and the specialist.
After 2 long hours, we left that appointment. I felt stressed. Defeated. Unnerved. Very Anxious again. Thankfully, I have a rock of a husband who encouraged me and told me to not take one doctor’s opinion so to heart. He said, “You know what this convinced me of? That we truly got a miracle.”
He is right. Sometimes doubt creeps in that this could be a misdiagnosis at the beginning and just some weird thing. But that appointment convinced us even more that we received a true bonafide miracle.
Our church aired a snippet of our testimony today. Our family watched from home because I’ve been really weak from an upset stomach since yesterday evening. I watched that testimony (well, the parts that I could. I cannot stand seeing myself on camera.) and began reflecting on the past 9 months. I’ve spent most of the day reflecting and just thinking about all the events and how everything has transpired as I’ve recovered on the couch.
Friday, we got in the car to leave our appointment, and I looked at Mike and said, “Get me off this roller coaster ride. I’m done!” I’ve felt like that all weekend.
But today, I felt the Lord say, “With Great Miracles come Great Responsibility.” I thought of Moses who the Lord used to lead his people out of Egypt. God performed great miracles through him. But was it easy? Quite the opposite. The Israelites grumbled, complained, and even told Moses they wanted to be slaves again. I thought of Jesus who performed many miracles when he walked this earth. But people doubted him, continually questioned him, ridiculed him, and ultimately, crucified him. I couldn’t think of one miracle in the Bible that didn’t come with great responsibility or wasn’t a hard journey.
I thought of my other doctors who were acknowledging I had received a miracle. Well, maybe, God wants the same for this new set of doctors? Maybe he wants to convince them that He is still work and science and medicine are not the ultimate authority. He is.
Yes, it might not be easy for Mike and I and our family and friends riding this roller coaster with us. But God didn’t call us to live a life of easy. He called us to live a life as a light. I’ve prayed from the beginning that our story would be a City on a Hill that would lead people to Jesus. Has this journey been easy? Absolutely not. It’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve walked. Just because we got a miracle doesn’t mean it’s been an easy road.
But God gave us a great miracle and I have the responsibility to be a light no matter where the miracle journey takes us. Right now, he is calling us to be a light at Emory. I pray we can walk worthy of that call.
**Please pray for strength and peace for us and wisdom for my new set of doctors. Everything has changed again so we are in holding mode. We should know more tomorrow. Please begin to pray for delivery, that the doctors will see Jesus lives and still heals! Also, for mine and Charis’s protection during delivery. There are lots of scenarios being tossed up the air. I’m just praying the Lord will be glorified no matter what.
You can also watch our testimony all week airing every 2 hours from 8am – 10 pm at icampus.churchatchapelhill.com, or it will be archived under April 27 and the series “Jesus Is” after this week. The testimony starts about 30-40 minutes into the broadcast right at the start of the pastor’s sermon.