Tough, Tough News

***This blog is for my therapeutic journaling.  As well as, keeping all my sweet friends and family updated.  Please do not give your medical opinion unless you are in the medical field or have walked through a partial molar pregnancy.  Please be sensitive with your comments too.  I know everyone has the best of intentions.  I really do.  But the fact is we are in a really sensitive situation.  We are tired.  We just want prayers!  Love you all! ** Also, I haven’t found anyone on the web who has experienced a partial molar with what looks like a very healthy baby by 14 weeks.  Maybe, I can share and encourage someone else in the world with my story…And hopefully, they will be inspired by our miracle!!

October 30, The alarm went off at 6 am.  I was already awake.  My pregnant body wakes me up at 4 am every morning anyways.  I slowly sat up.  I have to sit up in stages to avoid morning sickness.  Mike brought me a little cereal and almonds as he often does to help avoid the nausea.  I jumped in the shower, got dressed, and said my goodbyes to my little family.  Just so grateful Mike was able to swing staying home so I didn’t have to take the kids to “that appointment.”

I arrived at “that appointment,” and was quickly ushered back and being asked every sort of health  history question in the book.  The nurse said, “You are easy,” as I answered no to most every question and sent me to the examination room.  I put on my paper fig leaf and awkward vest and sat there waiting for the doctor…..(and to think I was most nervous about a man doctor walking through that white cold door.) Thankfully, my LADY nurse practitioner walked through the doors and began with the fun part first-listening for the heartbeat.  But after 5 minutes of trying, she couldn’t find it.  I wasn’t nervous.  I knew it sometimes was difficult to find a heart beat at 12 weeks/almost 13 weeks.

My NP began to ask me how was feeling.  I told her I thought better but this pregnancy was just different.  I was extremely fatigued and nauseous all the time….having “all day sickness” all the time. I often describe it as I felt like the lining of my stomach has been ripped out.   She said, “Well, every pregnancy is just different.”  I said, “I know.  This just doesn’t seem right.” So after my exam, she said, “You know what? I think we should just give you an ultrasound to see what is going on, and we can hear the heartbeat!”

The ultrasound tech called me back to the room 10 minutes later.  I’m pretty sure she commented that she wasn’t sure how I had even gotten my pants buttoned because of my protruding abdomen! (Love those pregnant lady comments!) She squeezed the warm gel on my belly and put the wand over it.  I immediately saw my beautiful baby, the strong heartbeat, and kicking legs.  I began to cry tears of joy and commented, “This is just as miraculous and cool the third time as it is the first time.”  We watched the baby for a minute and then she began taking all sorts of pictures, measurements, etc.  I asked, “Is everything ok?”  “I’m just measuring your cervix.  Looking at your ovaries….”  Definitely weird.  I was just suppose to be in there for a heartbeat.  But convinced myself not worry….”It’s probably nothing.  They just do things differently at this office.”  After what seemed like an eternity, she handed me my pictures and told me to wipe off my belly.  I started to get up and leave, and she said, “No, I need you to sit here for a second.”  My heart stopped.  Then I heard her in the next room talking to my NP.

My NP walked in, “Well, Erin, the good news is your baby measures great and everything looks good.  But we see a lot of abnormal cells on your placenta.””OK.  What does that mean?” “Well, it looks like to us it is a partial molar pregnancy but we aren’t sure so we are sending you to a specialist.”  “So, what does a partial molar pregnancy mean?” “It means you couldn’t continue with this pregnancy.” “Excuse me?!?!” The breath was sucked out of me! And hot tears began streaming down my face.  “Erin, I know this is hard to hear.” “Wait! Did you just say my baby wouldn’t survive?”  “Erin, you can’t continue with this pregnancy if it is truly a partial molar.  The abnormal cells are like a cancer.” What?!?!? Now I’m hearing the “C” word?! Everything in my body shut down and all I could think of was “Why isn’t my husband with me?” “I hope I can walk out of this building.”  Honestly, I don’t remember anything she said after that or anything that happened in the office.   All I remember is they handed me a bunch of paperwork, and I left.

I crawled into my van, fumbled around for my phone, and called Mike.  As soon as he said hello, my tears turned into sobs.  It took every fiber of my being to muster the words, “the baby is ok.” I wanted to get that out before he lost it.  I tried to explain what just happened but didn’t do a good job.  I think I said, “All I remember is her saying, I can’t continue.  Partial Molar. And Cancer.”  Of course, he starts flipping out, “you can’t continue, what?!?” “This baby! This pregnancy!” Then Mike said, “And what about cancer?!” “I don’t know.  She might have told me but I just don’t even know.”

I had settled down by the time I had gotten home after getting blood work, talking to my parents, and driving home processing everything.  My whole drive home the words “The same power that raised Christ from the Dead lives with in you.” I began declaring healing over my child.  Then one of my favorite verses, “Taste and see that the Lord is good,” began to rise in my spirt.  I just began to declare his goodness.  Telling him, ” I don’t care what happens. You are so good, Lord.”

I walked in the door, Mike grabbed me and just began praying.  We cried and I kept saying over and over..”I can’t just end this.  I can’t.  What in the world?!”  Mike assured me we’d do everything we can do avoid getting to that point and that doctors always favored the mother but that we favored LIFE!

To Be Continued…..

Information on a Partial Molar Pregnancy:

http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/2012/05/18/feedback-pro-life-doctor-molar-pregnancies

http://www.webmd.com/baby/tc/molar-pregnancy-topic-overview

http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/molar_pregnancy/hic_partial_molar_pregnancy.aspx

http://www.babycenter.com/0_molar-pregnancy_1363614.bc

http://voices.yahoo.com/partial-molar-pregnancy-devastating-diagnosis-and-1014789.html?cat=70

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About dennyfamily

Happily Married with 2 Wonderful Children.
This entry was posted in Life. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Tough, Tough News

  1. Zaina Greene says:

    Erin, this blog brought me to tears! Keep speaking that scripture over you girl! Praying for you and your sweet family to have peace that passes all understanding in every step.

  2. Sabrina says:

    God bless you sis!

  3. Emily says:

    Erin and Mike, Jared and I are going to pray for you and your sweet baby. It is awesome to read that in your time of devastation, you automatically turned to the Lord. He is the healer and comforter above all. We love you guys and join you in prayer.

  4. Erin, you are wrapped in HIS love! Thank you for sharing your intimate journey. It reminds me so much of the thoughts I had when I miscarried. I can say God is surely with you!!! Praying for you, baby & family!

  5. Erin Sanders Kornahrens says:

    I too was brought to tears in reading this and am praying for you. Thanks for sharing your journey and being an encouragement when you feel that your world is crumbling. Thanks for showing the power of Christ in you and through you.

  6. Emily Hardegree Ray says:

    I went to God for Him to give me His words for you and they are:
    1st Be still and know that I am God! Psalm 46:10
    2nd: Thus say the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed; for the battle is not yours but God’s.
    2 Corithians 20:15
    I pray for peace for you and Mike. I have TOTAL peace. Be Still…rest in His PEACE knowing that He is fighting for you. Get some sleep! When friends and family ask how they can help, TELL them. Mal and I can come for a weekend, cook for you and babysit! We are here for you. I love you sweet girl!
    Aunt Em

  7. Pingback: The Battle Begins |

  8. margaret says:

    Erin, thanks for sharing this. You, Mike, the kids, and this precious baby are in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. Pingback: Full Heart |

  10. rachelmomto4 says:

    Hi Erin, I just read your story, and it is so similar to ours! Many of the feelings you described I remember well. Our miracle happened only 10 days after the diagnosis, but I can imagine how difficult it was for you going through the whole pregnancy knowing. We had prepared ourselves for that too. Anyway, your little girl is beautiful and I’m so excited to hear of God healing another mom and baby with the same thing we had. Here is a short video of our story: https://vimeo.com/87807829

    • dennyfamily says:

      Thank you so much for sharing your story! Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my daughter’s birth and our miracle. I’m so touched to hear someone else describe many of the emotions of this diagnosis. God is so good! Many blessings to you and your family!

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